


Placebo

by Werecakes



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, M/M, give this a try, it is a one shot, the end will blow your mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:22:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werecakes/pseuds/Werecakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili was there when his father died, as a result people tended to ignore Kili. But why?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Placebo

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for typos but it's 1am and I needed this out of my head to stop haunting me.

It was a day that had no light, not that he could remember. He had been lifted up onto his father’s shoulders so he could reach a pot of jam that Dis had hid away from the two men as they could not stop ravaging her cupboards. It took them days to find where she had hid it and now they had their prize. Fili dropped the glass jar into his father’s hands, his fingers tangled into the chocolate brown tresses as he stabilized himself. He was pulled down and he buried his face into that wonderfully soft hair and took in a deep breath. He rubbed the blond peach fuzz on his chin into his father’s stubbly cheek and earned a laugh.

“Well done. We’ll make a proper trickster out of you yet. What do you think we should be replace this with?” 

“Paint!” Fili grinned.

“Paint would make the right color, but it has lumps from the fruit.”

“Buttons... beads?” 

His father smiled brightly, his cheeks dimpling. “Good on you lad, that’s using your brain.”

They worked together, finding a similar jar and filled it with things that would fool Dis until she took in further inspection. The two stole away into Fili’s room with a loaf of bread and ate the jam all the while smirking and laughing.

After they had their fill Fili’s hand was grabbed by his father’s and they went for a walk outside. The night was cold and wet, but the break between spring rains made any opportunity to go out in the open a welcome change. He stomped around in puddles earning laughs from his father who joined him in a few stomps of his own in larger ones. When he jumped in the air, both feet creating a large splash at his father the older dwarf grabbed him up and tickled his sides.

“You little rascal!” 

Fili laughed so hard he couldn’t breath. He tried desperately to hit the dwarf off of him so he could breath. Then something terrible happened. A sound that rumbled through the ground, cracking like earth bound thunder, rolled down upon them. 

He saw trees moving, his father curled around him, then everything went black.

He didn’t know when he had woken up, only knew of the pressing pain on his chest that set in a panic. He couldn’t breath! When he opened his mouth only dirt and cloth fell in causing him to choke. He squirmed and pushed, trying so hard to get free of that terrible pressure that was trying to squeeze the life out of him. Cloth and muscle pressed harder as he moved, his hand moving along the familiar feel of his father’s arm into dirt. He clawed at the dirt forcing his hand through. Suddenly it gave. Something started to bat at his hand, clearing away dirt, before grabbing hold of his elbow. He was pulled out from under that pressure allowing him to cough out the dirt in his mouth. He took in greedy gulps of air between dry heaves. A man he had never seen before passed him over to the desperate grasp of his mother. She was screaming and crying. He turned trying to find his father but only saw messy brown hair and an arm sticking out of a hill of dirt. 

He was passed over to his uncle Thorin who took him away from his mother. Dis continued to scream, she sounded so sad. 

“Daddy!” Fili pulled at Thorin.

His uncle swallowed hard as he took Fili home. “Your... your daddy isn’t coming home any more.”

“W-what?” That didn’t make any sense. They were just playing, and... and...

Thorin ran a hand through Fili’s hair matting down dirt and mud. “I’m sorry.”

Fili screamed, calling Thorin a liar. He had just seen his father in the ground, he was just resting and needed help out. He was going to be home at any moment with his bright smile and great hugs! 

Thorin took his abuse, even when he started to kick and bite. He kept quiet allowing Fili got get out all the grief his abused body could muster before setting him on the floor of his home. Thorin set about getting fresh clothes and a bath for the small child. While he worked hands went through Fili’s hair. Fili rested his head on a familiar lap.

“What happened?” Kili’s big brown eyes looked down at his brother.

“D-Daddy-” Fili choked. He buried his face into Kili’s leg, sobbing hard. His brother pulled him up and hugged him hard, dirt smearing over him. 

Kili cried with him, and after Fili’s bath, they curled up together on a pile of their father’s clothes and fell asleep, clutching desperately together.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fili leaned against the door frame as Kili listened through the cracked door.

“They’re talking about us.” Kili grinned. “I think uncle is going to take us to Erebor.”

“That’s insane. Mother would never allow it.”

“Shh!” Kili grabbed Fili’s sleeve and pulled him close. “Just listen.”

“And Fili?” Thorin asked softly, standing in front of the cold fireplace, arms folded over his chest.

Dis swallowed, her hands wringing together as she thought hard. “I think... I think it would be good for him to go. He needs to connect with his ancestors. Mahal, willing, he’ll grow to be a good king.”

Thorin tensed. “You do understand I cannot guarantee that he will... return.”

She let out a light sob, bowing her head. “Try-try to keep him safe brother. Please.”

Thorin sighed, stepping forward and pulling his sister into a hug. He patted her back trying to be as reassuring as he could be in such a situation. “I will do my best. You have my promise.”

“We’re going!” Kili jumped up. He grabbed Fili by his middle and pulled him close sealing their mouths in a kiss, tongue darting inside the blond’s mouth. Fili closed his eyes, leaning into the kiss, moaning softly at the contact. Kili’s hands threaded through Fili’s hair as he broke the kiss, a smile just as bright as their father’s lighting up Fili’s heart. “We’re going, we’re going, we’re going~”

He grabbed Fili’s arms and started to shift them around to try to get the man to dance with his over eager energy. Fili laughed, pushing his brother away so he could start packing. “Then we best be packing then. Uncle will not want to wait on us for too long.”

“Don’t forget to pack my extra coat, and grab my bow!”

“Yes your majesty,” Fili did an over dramatized bow to Kili.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Bofur was a good sort. He always gave people two bowls to take to Fili and Kili when he was cooking when others forgot and would force Fili to have to share his meal with his brother, not that he minded. He always tried to keep up a conversation with Kili but sometimes he would lose interest and leave. The miner always had stories to share and would play his flute with Fili’s fiddle. He also knew when to give them privacy when they needed it, he would cover for them so they could steal off into the night. Those stolen moments were well appreciated. Kissing, touching, feeling, needing, all of it took time, every second was never wasted between the brothers.

One day though, he asked a strange question.

“Kili’s hair, what color of brown is it?”

Fili snorted out a laugh. “Your eyes must be giving under the summer sun, you should be resting in the shade not cooking lunch.”

“Aye, I’ll give you that laddy. But my question, his hair.”

“Why?”

“Well I was noticin’ your hair clip and I was wonderin’ if maybe, since he has a darker color maybe he would like to have a different metal for his. Something a bit more complimentary to his braids.”

Fili frowned. “He doesn’t have any braids.”

Bofur shifted his weight from one foot to the other, “Exactly, thus why he’ll be needin’ more clasps. Want him looking good when we welcome dwarves back into Erebor.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Fili leaned back where he was sitting. He tucked his hands behind his head and crossed his legs at his knees. A hand pressed against his head and he looked over to his brother. “What color would you say your hair is? Bofur’s offering to make you some braid clips when we throw Bilbo at Smaug.”

“I don’t know, ugly bark?”

“Your hair doesn’t look like bark. More like coffee, or chocolate.”

“Muuuud.”

“Not mud you idiot. Brown gravy?”

“Are you just hungry?”

Fili gave a shrug. “Maybe, Bofur is cooking.”

“You lads are entertainin’ you know that?” Bofur smiled wide.

“Not as much as you are a good cook. Makes my stomach rumble.” Kili plopped down next to Fili and leaned against him.

Bofur didn’t reply.

\--------------------------------------------------

Thranduil’s dungeon was a terrible place. Whatever they put in his food made him feel sick and what was worse was the fact that he was separated from Kili. He spent most of the first night shouting for his brother as spider venom slowly worked out of his system. The next day he sat in the dark, thumping his head against the wood and stone trying to figure a way out. He felt drugged and little to nothing made sense. He just wanted Kili. To know he was safe. He didn’t even have to touch him, just see him smile and happy and healthy, that’s all he wanted.

It wasn’t until Bilbo had stuffed them into barrels that he heard the familiar sound of his brother in the barrel next to him. The fact that they were escaping was the only thing that kept his tongue still. He pressed up against the side of the barrel and closed his eyes, desperate to hear the small sounds Kili was making. He set a small comfort to his troubled mind.

When the barrels rolled and splashed into the water that comfort had been ripped away from him. They were carried away by a rapid stream. His barrel knocked against others, bounced off of hard rock and tumbled down rapids. He was tossed around inside the wooden container all the while panicking that Kili may have it worse. He may have been thrashed upon the rocks, a hole in his barrel filling with water to drown him!

When his own barrel ran aground he shoved and pushed. He punched at the lid of the barrel, shoulder slamming up as he tried to break out. 

“Kili!! Kili!!!” The lid of his barrel was yanked off by Bofur and Thorin. 

Fili scrambled out as fast as he could. “Kili! Where’s Kili?!”

They looked to each other. Fili whipped his attention from point to point, finally seeing a lone barrel down the stream a ways. He bolted past Bofur and Thorin running to the barrel and yanked it open. Water spilled out with hay and a water logged Kili. The brunet spat out a mouthful of water as Fili rolled him onto his side to allow him to cough out what was left in his lungs.

Kili pulled himself up onto his hands and knees and spat a few times when hair and straw got into his mouth. “L-Lets not do that again.” His voice sounded horrible.

“Never.” Fili grabbed his brother in a tight hug. His heart hammered hard. “Never again.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever charm Bilbo used on Smaug worked. The dragon left and Erebor became their home. It was such a huge place that Fili and Kili easy got lost and separated. The place smelled old, mixed with dragon urine and feces. Most of the day Fili spent outside trying to get the odor out of his nose. Kili would join him when the others started to slowly come out themselves, dirtied with cleaning up after years worth of dragon nesting. While they went to clean themselves up Fili and Kili would take the time to spend together.

Then came the day that Thorin tossed Bilbo out of Erebor. Tension had been raising and no matter what Fili and Kili said Thorin would not listen. He was at his wit’s end with gold lust and something snapped inside of him. He had restraint enough not to kill the hobbit, only threaten him.

“Don’t do this!” Kili shouted, but everyone looked away. “What are you doing?! He’s our friend! You... you seriously can’t... Bilbo!” Kili ran to the edge of the barricade and shouted down. “Bilbo!!”

Bilbo just left.

No one was happy in Erebor after that. They all sectioned themselves away leaving only Fili and Kili to sooth each other over the grief of their uncle slipping into madness. They cried and comforted each other in hopes that Bilbo would come back someday. If their uncle would not care for the hobbit then they would. It was the least they could do.

With that decided they settled into a peace and let the days wane on. Then one night a book was dropped on Fili’s lap while he sat by the fire.

“Read it.” Thorin nearly barked at him.

Fili looked up at him puzzled, tapping out his pipe. “This is?”

“Something for you to obsess over other than Kili.”

The prince frowned. “I don’t obsess over him. You know our relationship, I have my rights to think of him as I see fit.”

“You do not!” Thorin looked old, tired, and angry. The repercussions of throwing Bilbo out of the company catching up to him and making him as irritable as the time he last saw the hobbit. He grabbed the book and yanked it open. His fingers tore at pages as he flipped through finding one in particular. He held it open and shoved it into Fili’s face. “I am tired of this game nephew! See with your own eyes!”

“Thorin, no.” Balin stood up.

But Fili saw the drawing. The record set. It was... Kili, his Kili, dressed in wedding garb standing with his hands over... over... Dis? Fili shook his head. No. No. 

“Our father looked very much like Kili. I now mother married before Erebor fell. The likeness is-”

“You are an only child Fili!! You have no brother!”

“What has gotten into you?!” Fili stood up shoving the book away from him. “Has all this gold addled your brain so much?!”

“I am not the one- Fili!”

The prince turned and stormed off, not caring what his uncle said. He was lying. To what end he had no idea! It was sick, degenerative, pervers! 

He slipped outside of the main halls of Erebor and out into the fresh air. He was so angry! So angry that he almost didn’t hear Kili’s soft crying. Around the bend of the battlement Kili stood, hugging himself.

Fili pulled his brother into his arms, placing kisses on his face as the younger dwarf pressed his face into Fili’s neck. “How could he say that?” His voice was broken.

“It’s the gold. He’s just sick... he’ll get better. You’ll see... tomorrow he’ll apologize.”

“I doubt that laddy.”

Fili moved back a little, seeing Bofur in the moonlight. He hugged Kili tighter to him. “Is uncle really that sick?”

“No...” Bofur took off his silly hat. He ran a hand over his head, nervous as he spoke softly. “Thorin... Fili... I would like to ask you somethin’ and you must answer truthfully.”

Fili frowned.

“What was your first memory of your brother?”

The prince swallowed hard. His first memory of Kili? “I don’t see how this is of any help for uncle.”

“Just humor an old miner, please.”

“I...” He thought and thought. “The... the night father...” Fili hugged Kili tighter as something started to spark in the darkness of his mind. It struck like flint against steel. His first memory of Kili was when their father died.

“No.” He shook his head. “No, Kili’s always been with me.”

“I don’t doubt that laddy,” Bofur said softly, his expression pained. “But think. Why do so little people talk to him?”

“Because he’s outgoing, he can be a little too much to take!”

“Why do people only bring you one serving at meal time?”

“You don’t!”

“Because I know you need him laddy.” He sighed heavily. “But he isn’t there.”

“Yes he is! He’s right-” Fili tried to tighten his grip but his arms went through air. His heart stopped. His voice the whisper of a ghost, “He’s right here... Kili.... KILI!!!”

He whirled on Bofur furious, “What did you do to Kili?! What kind of foul magic is here?!!”

Bofur grabbed Fili’s shoulders. “Listen, listen to me!! I was there, I was there when we pulled you and your da’ out of the landslide. He died and that does terrible things to people but you were so young. You saw your da’ differently, made him different in your head to be a brother you never had.”

Fili gripped his head. “NO!”

“You’ve been by yourself this whole time, Fili. Why do you think I asked about his hair color? I couldn’t see it because he was not, is not there! You are the archer not Kili. You’re the prankster, not Kili. You even carry around a jar full of dried paint and beads... Fili... Fili it’s time to let him go.” 

“No! Kili’s real!” Fili’s voice broke Bofur’s heart. “I love him. I-I can’t... not without him...”

Bofur pulled Fili into a hug. “I know, I know laddy, but it’s time to let loved ones rest... ...let them rest.”

Fili didn’t see Kili after that.

He walked through the grand halls of Erebor, fingers tracing over polished stone as he felt his heart leave a long trail behind him. He didn’t talk to anyone. He didn’t look at any of them. He flinched from touches on his back and shoulders. When he was all alone he would look up from his toes and call out softly, “Kili?” Only to get a reply of his own echo.

When the Battle of Five Armies came to pass he welcomed it. He was still a skilled fighter and something pulled him into an excited anticipation. So excited was he that he did not feel when blades cut into him, nor the arrows that stuck into his body. He barely felt when he was cradled into Thorin’s lap. His eyes looking up at his uncle’s.

“Fili,” Thorin’s eyes blurred with tears, blood running down his own lips dripping with the salty tears onto his nephew’s face. His mouth pulled into words of an apology but Fili couldn’t hear him. His body tingled and his sight started to leave.

Something touched him, it grabbed his hand and pulled him up off of the ground. Kili smiled at him. He grabbed Kili and pulled him close, holding him tight. He was never going to let go.

“Time you showed up,” the voice came from behind Kili. 

He knew that voice.

He opened his eyes, over Kili’s shoulder he saw him.

“Dad.”

END!  
you will never get any more! So don’t ask!


End file.
